Yea! We're always happy when our handsome man strides in through the door. It was the day of our 13th wedding anniversary when darling husband boarded the plane for a business trip. Tomorrow is his birthday. Happy Anniversary and Birthday my beautiful man. If I could wisk you away to some dreamy far off place I would love to just sit and be next to you in nothing but warm sweet breezes and a hamock, and your computer of course :-).
In colder climes our wedding anny is a chilly brisk day. But on the day we were married the sun shone bright and warm. Nothing and no one but you was the focus of my attention. In fact I remember little more than your face. Pictures are memories of things I paid no attention to. I remember our first 5 years. How sweet it is to look back on how we spent our time together. Thirteen years, and many more to go. There isn't one person on this planet other than you who could make me feel whole and complete, safe and warm the way only you can. In thirteen short years we've come to share so many things that we never thought our lives would possess. You mean so much to me. I would say yes, again, and again, and again.
Love you my sweet man! Happy Anniversary, and Happy Birthday!
Friday, November 9, 2007
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
Unabler
I had plans to go to the Farmer's Market in Catonsville at the community center and to the library. I figured better early than never with the book return. But I got so comfortable this morning just surfing the blogs I normally visit that I stayed tuned in. I read a blog by a woman who must have been reading my mind because I was really looking for what she had to say. The gist of it is that she always get accused of being an enabler. People say they think she's enabling her kids. Most of us read/hear "enabling" with a negative connotive ear (bear with me). So she went on to explain that to her this is a really good thing. From her unschooling perspective enabling her children means she's allowing them the freedom to be themselves and to seek and learn and discover things for themselves. But she also said how people thought she ought to allow her kids natural consequences and that by enabling them she was denying them this opportunity to learn. So for example if she asked them if they wanted a coat on a chilly morning and they turned her down, she'd just pack it away into the car in the event they changed their minds. Other's would say, leave the coat at home and the kids learn to take the coat when it is offered to them. This has been my thinking to the present.
But there is a flaw in the logic of allowing natural consequences. It takes away grace and mercy. Look at God's example, He knows what is best for us even as we deny it and yet does not leave it up on a hook as a passed up opportunity. Before God there is always opportunity to turn and say LORD! I have not done as you commanded, and/or I have shunned what you provided for me out of my ignorance. Then by grace and mercy we are restored. We can trust the Lord in this every single time. If I leave that coat on the hook as "well they'll learn" then my heart is in the wrong place. I can leave the coat on the hook for them to change their minds, provided we're not leaving the house. If I leave that coat at home, when I know it's best for them, and I don't have it for them when they come to ask for it (obviously acknowledging my wise counsel) then I am not doing my job as a parent acting as Christ did. Consequently they can not trust me to care for their needs when as children they most need it. Not only that, but a coat at home is not a natural consequence. Swimming in a leech infested pond afterwarnings to refrain, and coming up covered with little black blood sucking ucky things is definitely natural consequences. The attitude is different. The pond owner would probably do everything in their power to deter you, even tying you to a tree if he actually knew you planned to go against his warning. His heart would be in the right place even if yours wasn't. So if you got untied and jumped in anyway, well you better bet that naturally there'd be consequences.
The other flaw to natural consequences thinking is this: I live in the reality of many chances. Few things are offered to me that I cannot find again in some other way, but I teach our children the law of no second chances.
So let me come around to why this revelation is so important to me. It is important because I have disabled my children, and separated them from me. They can no longer trust that I will provide. For example my DD and DS would get up well before me and fix their own breakfasts often leaving a mess in their wake. So I started making terrific breakfasts when I got up and refused it to them because they'd already had breakfast. Of course this is upsetting to them and they would say I didn't know you were going to cook that. I would reply that they were told not to eat before we got up, and yet they would still disobey us. Not able to think of another way to keep them from gorging and destroying before I got up this is the method I referred to. Then DD got the point and stopped eating early, at which time I stopped fixing larger fun breakfasts and she would wait for me to cook. Then she would end up not eating at all because I hadn't cooked. So she only learned that I wasn't available to make food for her. I should have continued to make breakfast--even if not large--at least a family affair, but I didn't. Now she's back to the old habits because she couldn't trust that I'd do right by her.
This is just one example, but it happens quite a lot. I'm struggling to find my way through this trial. I should have asked them back to clean up their mess and allowed them to continue in self-reliance instead of emotionally manipulating them to behave as I desired. I could have even warned them ahead of time that a large breakfast was due the next day. In a way I disabled my children.
On a less sour note DD and I had a nice time drawing together this afternoon. She wanted to learn perspective drawing, and so I showed her some different things about drawing in perspective. It was a nice time together, and we both enjoyed it.
I'm ever evovling my thinking.
But there is a flaw in the logic of allowing natural consequences. It takes away grace and mercy. Look at God's example, He knows what is best for us even as we deny it and yet does not leave it up on a hook as a passed up opportunity. Before God there is always opportunity to turn and say LORD! I have not done as you commanded, and/or I have shunned what you provided for me out of my ignorance. Then by grace and mercy we are restored. We can trust the Lord in this every single time. If I leave that coat on the hook as "well they'll learn" then my heart is in the wrong place. I can leave the coat on the hook for them to change their minds, provided we're not leaving the house. If I leave that coat at home, when I know it's best for them, and I don't have it for them when they come to ask for it (obviously acknowledging my wise counsel) then I am not doing my job as a parent acting as Christ did. Consequently they can not trust me to care for their needs when as children they most need it. Not only that, but a coat at home is not a natural consequence. Swimming in a leech infested pond afterwarnings to refrain, and coming up covered with little black blood sucking ucky things is definitely natural consequences. The attitude is different. The pond owner would probably do everything in their power to deter you, even tying you to a tree if he actually knew you planned to go against his warning. His heart would be in the right place even if yours wasn't. So if you got untied and jumped in anyway, well you better bet that naturally there'd be consequences.
The other flaw to natural consequences thinking is this: I live in the reality of many chances. Few things are offered to me that I cannot find again in some other way, but I teach our children the law of no second chances.
So let me come around to why this revelation is so important to me. It is important because I have disabled my children, and separated them from me. They can no longer trust that I will provide. For example my DD and DS would get up well before me and fix their own breakfasts often leaving a mess in their wake. So I started making terrific breakfasts when I got up and refused it to them because they'd already had breakfast. Of course this is upsetting to them and they would say I didn't know you were going to cook that. I would reply that they were told not to eat before we got up, and yet they would still disobey us. Not able to think of another way to keep them from gorging and destroying before I got up this is the method I referred to. Then DD got the point and stopped eating early, at which time I stopped fixing larger fun breakfasts and she would wait for me to cook. Then she would end up not eating at all because I hadn't cooked. So she only learned that I wasn't available to make food for her. I should have continued to make breakfast--even if not large--at least a family affair, but I didn't. Now she's back to the old habits because she couldn't trust that I'd do right by her.
This is just one example, but it happens quite a lot. I'm struggling to find my way through this trial. I should have asked them back to clean up their mess and allowed them to continue in self-reliance instead of emotionally manipulating them to behave as I desired. I could have even warned them ahead of time that a large breakfast was due the next day. In a way I disabled my children.
On a less sour note DD and I had a nice time drawing together this afternoon. She wanted to learn perspective drawing, and so I showed her some different things about drawing in perspective. It was a nice time together, and we both enjoyed it.
I'm ever evovling my thinking.
Friday, November 2, 2007
New Adventure
We have arrived at the event horizon of a new adventure. It is now steady as she goes all the way to Michigan. We're procrastinating on the packing as we love to do in this family! But my goal up to this point has been 2 boxes packed a day. Now I know that just isn't going to cut it.
It's time to get the kids involved--here my head begins to ache. I know they will sacrifice nothing for this move. Not even semi-precious McD's toys are up for file 13. According to them anyhow. As far as their education is concerned, well we're following the unschooling ideology for a short month. This pretty much means that I'm hands off teaching, no lesson plans, no tests, no due by's. If they want to learn about something then we'll check out a library book. This means weekly trips to a place that really does not like me to show my face. Honestly. I can see the look of "we wont see that book for another year," fly across their faces and they smile like I didn't see what they thought! Steve has banned me taking videos. I guess one $90.00 late return fee in a year is really enough to put a man off taking out even the most educationally sound movies. Add to all this field trips (the cheap kind), and we've got a nicely rounded education.
I have dreams about how I want life to be as soon as we enter our new lives, in a new home, in a new neighborhood, in a new city, in a whole new state. It's rather like the dance of the sugar plum fairies all sweet and dainty. The reality I know is another thing altogether. But I can avoid, really I can. Okay, so I'm already stressing about the best place for things. I'm a space planning pro, and it's not like we have to paint right away. But I dont' get how we keep amassing this stuff and where will I put it all. We give stuff away, throw stuff away, and yet I still find more!!!I'm trying to avoid those thoughts altogether. I need Martha Stewart to do this for me. She had her whole staff move her. Do they get over time for that?
The kids asked about visiting Nanny and Granddaddy. I told them we would try to go in October, but we weren't able to afford to go. Now they're expecting to go, and this is generally the best time of year, and the usual time of year. We so want to go down and give hugs and visit, but it really isn't in the cards right now. If y'all get around to reading this, we miss y'all and love y'all and we will see you soon as we can. I have a plan. Hugs and many blessing. L
It's time to get the kids involved--here my head begins to ache. I know they will sacrifice nothing for this move. Not even semi-precious McD's toys are up for file 13. According to them anyhow. As far as their education is concerned, well we're following the unschooling ideology for a short month. This pretty much means that I'm hands off teaching, no lesson plans, no tests, no due by's. If they want to learn about something then we'll check out a library book. This means weekly trips to a place that really does not like me to show my face. Honestly. I can see the look of "we wont see that book for another year," fly across their faces and they smile like I didn't see what they thought! Steve has banned me taking videos. I guess one $90.00 late return fee in a year is really enough to put a man off taking out even the most educationally sound movies. Add to all this field trips (the cheap kind), and we've got a nicely rounded education.
I have dreams about how I want life to be as soon as we enter our new lives, in a new home, in a new neighborhood, in a new city, in a whole new state. It's rather like the dance of the sugar plum fairies all sweet and dainty. The reality I know is another thing altogether. But I can avoid, really I can. Okay, so I'm already stressing about the best place for things. I'm a space planning pro, and it's not like we have to paint right away. But I dont' get how we keep amassing this stuff and where will I put it all. We give stuff away, throw stuff away, and yet I still find more!!!I'm trying to avoid those thoughts altogether. I need Martha Stewart to do this for me. She had her whole staff move her. Do they get over time for that?
The kids asked about visiting Nanny and Granddaddy. I told them we would try to go in October, but we weren't able to afford to go. Now they're expecting to go, and this is generally the best time of year, and the usual time of year. We so want to go down and give hugs and visit, but it really isn't in the cards right now. If y'all get around to reading this, we miss y'all and love y'all and we will see you soon as we can. I have a plan. Hugs and many blessing. L
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